First grade struggling reader

[Sarah77]

Hi. Oh the month I have had! My mom is a public school teacher and has had a lot of concern about my homeschooling my DS7. There is some sort of block there but I think it is opposition to ME. In any school situation, he does very well. So I'm frustrated! My mom set up a meeting with the public school to ask about screening him. He is fairly behind by public schools standard. I had a meeting with two special Ed teachers, the school psychologist and a woman from the district! A little unnerving to say the least!
They've gotten in my head and I fluctuate from being passionate about keeping him home, to ready to call the private school. I figure I have until August to get him in a better place. Right now we are using Saxon phonics and reading easy readers. They asked me what reading program I use and recommended using something like the basal readers they use.

So two questions...if a boy opposes mom but does great in school, where is the best place for him? Do any of you use a Reading program like the basal readers? They made it sound like it included grammar, spelling and comprehension. We are going to start Beyond next year but I am willing to add something to it if I have to.

Thanks in advance! Sarah

[LynnH]

Ok first of all a big hug. It sounds like you have had a rough month. He is 7 and he is a boy. Despite what the public school says he can't be that far behind. Many boys mature slower when it comes to academics, especially reading. The ps pushed reading very early and having spent several years volunteering in K and 1st grade classrooms kids were at all different levels at that age. You said he does fine in school, but opposes you. Was he in ps previously? I am sure your mom means well, but a ps teacher, plus a concerned grandmother is not going to be able to look at things objectively. Public school special education teachers have very little understanding of homeschooling or the different materials available to homeschoolers. They know what the schools use, that is it. Carrie or Julie can answer the basal reader questions better than I, but if they are what our schools used they were not phonics based they were more sight word based. That is not what a struggling reader needs. If you don't see the results with Saxon phonics then maybe try one of the programs HOD recommends and work all the way through it. If you truly have concerns about his learning then get an evaluation from an outside source, not the school system.

[StephanieU]

On the Basal Readers, McRuffey is an example of them, and some are heavily phonics based. Basically any phonics program with readers could be called basal readers (ABeka, Horizons, and even Saxon to name a few). And I wouldn't worry TOO much about the reading until he is nearing the end of 2nd grade. That is the age where most kids even out in reading. So, you have about another year until I would really worry about that. But, what I would be concerned about is his attitude about school. I would focus on that and try to get that settled. Has he ever been in a classroom all day? I know my daughter doesn't fight her Sunday School/AWANA teachers but will fight me. But it isn't because she does better in the classroom. It is because she likes those things, and some times she doesn't like school work (when it is challenging her). So, I would try to pinpoint why you are having problems with behavior before deciding on the future.

[Nealewill]

My oldest struggled and struggled and then I found out she was dyslexic. I did a ton of research for her but ultimately she ended up just getting it. We spent a lot of time just reading and decoding. That is how she got it. It took time. But now that she is in 4th grade she can read almost anything. She is night and day different from the beginning of this year even. I didn't really do much with her about this issue until the end of 2nd grade (that is when I figured it out). The Basil readers don't necessarily push them through if they are struggling with decoding. I ended up switching her spelling to All About Spelling because that is written for dyslexic kids. And that actually taught her how to read. Backwards I know but it did wonders for her reading. And at the time, they didn't have All About Reading for her level. I think if you are worried about it, I would just look into dyslexic resources. I would not necessarily send him off to school because I think what they will do with him is going to frustrate him so much more. And I promise - I seriously thought my dd would never read well and she has surpassed my expectations. I just would make sure I spent at least 20 minutes twice a day with her at least 4 days week (and we did this all summer too). I spent them time helping her to decode, decode, decode. Sounds terrible but it worked. The All About Spelling taught me the "rules" and we focused on those. I got a little 8x10 dry erase board and would have it with us when she would read. If she got to a words she didn't know, I would write the word down and she would break it up with the marker and then read it. That kind of stuff helped her a lot. I also made her use her finger to keep her place. She had sound out every letter (because a lot of time she didn't do that). But I always set the timer for 20 minutes. If the timer went off, we stopped. I didn't stress either. And I praised her often! Finally, I let her pick the books she read. Some where picture books but some had very challenging vocabulary. I also had her read and read and read the easiest readers I could find. This way she would see a few of those key site words and but it helped her build confidence.

I will pray for you though. I honestly felt so defeated about 2 years ago I would just cry. I was also ready to put her in school. Then I prayed about it and realized that every kid is different and that we will just have to work hard and just a little differently. We are now doing Preparing and she is soring through it. She loves the books and I think because she does love what she is reading, it is all the incentive she needs to continue on. She even reads on her own for fun now. Sometimes she still makes silly mistakes when she reads but it is okay. She gets better and better every year.

[Molly]

I also would like to encourage you. My oldest son is 8 1/2. He is just starting to read through The Early Readers Bible, and is astounding me with his progress all of a sudden. It took us two years to get through The Reading Lesson and that was after trying some other phonics based programmes before that. He does have learning disabilities. We have had many battles over these years but I have just continually said to him that he needs to do this and without a bad attitude.

I will share the one thing I regret with him. Getting him to read everyday for half an hour at least. Now, I'm not saying you need to sit there for half an hour once a day. I would suggest you do a couple of ten minute stints and then have him do ten minutes with someone else reading something he has already read. I have found the more my boy was exposed to the same thing the better his reading got.

I do have another suggestion of something fun, and some other options that I have found helpful, so please feel free to PM me.

[Sarah77]

Thank you for all of your kind replies. We went on a tour of the Catholic school yesterday and that scared the daylights out of them. It was actually pretty funny. I think my son is just a stinker for me. He is DELIGHFUL for everyone else. School time comes around and I hate life. I feel so sad saying that! Everyone keeps telling me to back off and go easy on him. I don't think I can go much easier! I require so little.
Wondering if its possible that I am just not called to this lifestyle. I love every thought about homeschooling. Books and reading aloud and snuggling up. But the process of teaching is just not in my blood. Anyway, I have from now until August to give it 110% of my very soul. Praying the Holy Spirit takes over and fills in what I cannot. Thank you again! S

[Gwenny]

I'm sorry you are having to face the pressure from others. I don't think that him having a hard time reading is the thing to focus on right now. He will learn to read-sometimes it's just time to mature, sometimes it's finding a good program that works for him, maybe it's his eyes, ....that can be figured out. A school is not necessarily the answer.
The bigger issue is his attitude. That problem won't be solved by putting him in school. It will only mask it. There might be other reasons you choose school, but that shouldn't be one of them. It sounds like you really want to home school. It might be that he feels your insecurities, he's heard the talk about how he should go, he knows his attitude gets him out of doing some things, he's frustrated with himself..I don't know, just some thoughts.
I would encourage you to not let him know there is another option, he doesn't need to know you are wavering, set a schedule of some kind-even a simple one and be consistent in doing it for awhile. If he gives you an attitude, discipline him for it. I think when he knows the schedule happens, you are doing it no matter what and even knows the ending point of the days schoolwork he will do better. Even if the schedule is, "after breakfast (whatever time that is) we go the the table and do reading, phonics, math and history" -just that simple-you will both do better. If you do it first thing, that will help if you are "taking away privileges" or whatever.
Just some thoughts. You can do it mama! You need to help him to respect you and you will so enjoy each other. What will that attitude look like at 15?
Blessings!
Btw-my 6 yo complains every day about reading lessons and tries to get out of it. (He's my number 9 child). So, I'm working on that with him right now. He won't win and he's seeing that the repercussions of it aren't helping. So, I'm right in there with you.

[MelInKansas]

This sounds like a rough situation. First there's "struggling reader" (which I agree with the others, I don't think you need to label him this yet, he's got plenty of time). Then there's pressure from family to put him in ps. Then there's you second-guessing yourself and the difficulty you have in getting him to do school with you.

I agree with the others, from my outsider perspective it seems like you should keep working, keep fighting, win the battle(s) of his heart, his respect which is more important than any academic knowledge he can gain in life. Not that the battle is yours to win, the Holy Spirit is the one that needs to work, but of course we as parents have our part to play.

But I guess I would like to hear from you why you feel led to or want to homeschool him. That will make a huge difference in whether or not you can keep going or whether it might be time to say ps is the right place for him. If you feel led by God, or feel that faith is the most important reason you are homeschooling, then all of the reasons above shouldn't be enough to push you to ps (or even Catholic school). Believe me, many of us sure WANT to take those other options at times, and many of us know how difficult it can be to school a child who opposes you at every turn. But God's calling helps us keep our resolve and do what it takes to work through the problem(s), trusting the Lord for His strength and wisdom. Oh my do we need wisdom!

Gwenny's advice is simple and good I think. Charlotte Mason would even say the same. Routine and regularity help take the fight out of activities that might not be well-liked. "This is what we are doing, there is no other option, or at least no other good option." and the child has to know that you mean it. This makes it VERY hard at first when a child has gotten used to fighting and getting their way. But once the routine becomes a routine, it should get a lot easier. I wonder too (you may have already tried this) if a talk with him from you or his dad would make any impact. Talk simply about why you are homeschooling, why he needs to learn to read/write/do math, and what is expected of him and what will happen if he does not cheerfully do as he is asked. Praise him like CRAZY when he does well and with a reasonable attitude (add other rewards that are meaningful and not undermining - stickers, fun times with you, a snack). Simply, matter-of-factly apply disciplinary measures when needed, with little fuss.

I hope some of this is helpful to you.