How do you reward/motivate dc?

[momof3kids]

Hi,
We are making it pretty well this first year, but some days are a bit of a struggle. So, wondering what you use to motivate or give as reward for having good attitudes and doing good work??
We don't eat much sweet around here, don't know that I want to be giving them sweets everyday.... but maybe something small would be ok. (that is what we use potty training little sis...)
My oldest had K in ps, and I know his teacher had a "treasure chest" they could get a prize at the end of the week.....he was excited about that
I have some little pint jars, thought they could earn some kind of "token" each day...and when full or end of week, get some kind of prize...??
would love any thoughts or direction on what others use. Most days are ok, but when ds is not in the mood or tired...it's like pulling teeth. They are both very bright and love to please, so some kind of reward would work well I think to get them motivated....just don't really know what to do
thanks ladies! Look forward to your ideas.

[StephanieU]

How about planning a fun field trip for Friday afternoon, Saturday, or Monday morning? If they do well that week, you can go on the field trip. If they don't do well, then you will have to stay home and catch up on work. You could mix in days where you bake, watch movie, etc so you don't have to come up with so many field trip ideas.

[TrueGRIT]

I don't reward with prizes, but I do have a set amount of work each week.
If they work hard, then by the end of the week they have they natural reward of having less (to no) work.
It has a built in natural consequence of regular school days at the end if they play around with their work.

I used to do more like Stephenie suggested with field trips, but it didn't go well with morning sickness, so this year it's only been time off at home. My boys still love it - and find plenty to do to "reward" themselves.

[mothermayi]

I use to reward with items from a treasure chest and sometimes sweet treats but as my kids get older, I really want them to have intrinsic rewards. I'm still trying to figure it out as I go but I no longer offer toys and candy. We are in CTC with 5th and 6th graders and they know if they finish all of the work for the day, they get Fridays off. If they mess around and don't finish something during the week, they have to finish it on Friday. I give verbal praises, hugs, and kisses for a job well done. Then again, I also give hugs and kisses when they are frustrated or really trying hard . Sorry, not much help! I just had to giggle because I am reminded of a commercial with a senior and he says something along the lines of "Well, do *I* get a treat for peeing in the toilet?" Sometimes I think I use to overly treat kiddos for doing what's expected and not building a sense of intrinsic reward, but rather than extrinsic.

[mothermayi]

I don't reward with prizes, but I do have a set amount of work each week.
If they work hard, then by the end of the week they have they natural reward of having less (to no) work.
It has a built in natural consequence of regular school days at the end if they play around with their work.

I used to do more like Stephenie suggested with field trips, but it didn't go well with morning sickness, so this year it's only been time off at home. My boys still love it - and find plenty to do to "reward" themselves.

TrueGRIT,
I see you are using Beyond with a 6 year old. Can you PLEASE IM me and let me know how it is going? I'm still trying to figure out placement for my little one who will be 6yr 4mo when we begin 1st grade.Thanks!

[countrymom]

I don't want my children to think they will always get a reward for a job well done (because they won't), so we spend lots of time talking about diligence, perseverence, etc. and the rewards these character traits bring. We also pray right before school everyday and I always ask the Lord to give us concentration, diligence, and the desire to do our very best. If they stay to task their reward is getting done before lunch (we are in younger guides and eat a noon - 1pm lunch). Whatever isn't done has to be finished after. Because I have one child that has a lot of issues with attention/concentration and learning to read is a real task for him, I did set up a "grab bag" with Dollar Store items. If he reads with good attention/concentration he gets a colored pom pom (only thing I had in the house at the time) and when he has 10 he can choose from the grab bag. He only earns one about 1/2 the time, but it gives him something to work for.

[MelInKansas]

I think all the encouragement you can do!!!

At one point I polled several moms with older kids about how they teach their kids good character. I mean, we talk about it a lot, I feel like my husband and I are reasonable models, and still my kids act like they are all 2 years old when it comes to sharing or getting their way. I see very little preference for others, and there are other character things that I feel like especially my older 2 should demonstrate more than they do.

What I heard from almost every one of them was finding good examples and praising them and talking about them. When we see someone in real life who is sharing, being kind, putting someone else's needs before their own, saying "wow, that is so wonderful, that really pleases God, do you see how that person shared?"

I have been trying to do that in all areas, so when my kids do a good job with working on school I praise them gushingly for it. I give them a big hug and let them know I am really proud of them. If it's a big struggle area I praise for every little positive part I see. Lying used to also be a bigger problem around here and I think this method has actually turned things around. My 4 year old (who has my personality and therefore really isn't afraid of punishment or confrontation) will be totally honest about a wrong she's done and when she is I say "honey, thank you for telling me the truth, that was really good." and then we move on to addressing the wrong thing she did. My oldest is the one who is fearful or who feels disapproval more strongly so she used to lie a lot to try to avoid those things and she has gotten a lot better (at least I think she has) since I started praising for telling the truth. I feel like I am pointing out the virtue of being truthful and making sure they know that we value that very highly in our family. It has changed the feeling in our family to a much more positive one. I think I read somewhere you should say 5 positive things to your child for every 1 negative. But I don't. I am better than I used to be but still have a ways to go.

I hope this helps.

[gardenmama28]

I find that each of my kids can be motivated differently. My oldest daughter (who is in LHFHG for grade 1 - 6 years old) is highly motivated by tangible rewards. For a while we were having issues with bad attitudes about math. The material wasn't too hard for her, she just didn't find it interesting or something. Anyway, i bought some stickers from the dollar store, jut these tiny little ones. For each math lesson that she completed cheerfully, she could put a sticker on the page. It really helped alot, and now she does math cheerfully most days and has completely forgotten to ask for a sticker.

Three days ago, we had to have a "talk" about doing things cheerfully and quickly even when we don't like doing it. I gave the example of changing a diaper - "do you think mommy enjoys changing diapers? And what would happen the longer I put it off?" I think this really hit home to her because she has been making a special effort the past few days to do her work cheerfully even when it is not her favorite.

Another thing that I do is I have a prize bag (mostly $1-2 items). Each time my kids complete a workbook they can pick a prize from the bag. This can motivate them sometimes to do extra work or just finish up those last few pages a little more timely. We have gone through several workbooks this year because we are doing explode the code along with the Rod and Staff workbooks.

But my four year old couldn't care less about things like stickers or chocolate chips. She has to be more internally motivated. That one is trickier. Luckily, she is by nature more easy going and compliant so will often willingly do what I ask without needing more.

I don't have a problem giving kids a tangible reward for hard work and good behavior. When i think about the adult world, it is a mix of both doing things for no reward, and working for reward (such as a paycheck). So I guess in our home we have a mix of kids doing things that get rewarded, and doing other things just because it is the right thing to do. I also try to both encourage and reprove my children in order to train them.

Even as Christians, we look forward to our eternal reward in heaven, both a "Well done, good and faithful servant", and also more tangible rewards like crowns.....Psalms and Proverbs talk about the rewards that the righteous recieve on earth. And our Father in Heaven disciplines those he loves so they can become more faithful. Yet alot of the time, we just obey the Lord because it is the right thing, even though we may face difficulty and hardship.

I guess I am writing a book here...... kind of thinking as I write. Hope this gives you some ideas.

[bethelmommy]

We have tried a variety of things in the past - stickers, treats, fun activities, etc... What I have found works best for us is consistency in character training and routine. We start our day with bible and character training before breakfast. Then after breakfast they get dressed, do chores and start right in to school. There is no playing, reading, crafting, iPad/video time, etc... until after school is complete. If they are diligent, they usually have an hour or so before lunch for free time. If they dawdle or get distracted, they have less or no free time. After lunch is quiet time in their rooms for two hours, so they really like the time before lunch when they can move freely about the house. This seems to be motivation enough most days to accomplish school cheerfully and efficiently. Trouble creeps in when I am less consistent and let them get started with free time activities before school has started or is completed. It becomes difficult to redirect them to a less desired activity. So, our routine is school first, then free time and that seems to work so far. Sometimes I will dangle a carrot of snack math or a fun activity that Carrie has listed that day in the plans for extra motivation, but that's about it. Any additional treats or fun activities we do later are just because...

[MomtoJGJE]

I'm kind of back and forth on this...

I really don't all that much as far as school or chores... it's kind of just what they are to do. They dont expect a reward.

However, there's generally SOME kind of reward in adult life. My DH works hard and he gets to keep his job and get a raise when it's time. He slacks off and he loses his job no longer getting a paycheck. He literally only goes to work because he gets paid for it. (he loves his job, and does the same thing when he's home, but if he had to choose between going to work or staying here with us, he'd pick here.) I do my job well and my kids "pass" their testing, the house is cleaner, we eat, and my dh is way more likely to happily let me go out with friends on Friday night

My kids.... the only thing I suppose they get on a regular basis for doing their jobs well is to be kids. I mean, we'll praise them if they've done something above their level (like when my 4.5yo did laundry all by herself for the first time!!)

Now, we do have basically 6-8 weeks of their regular guides and then 3 weeks where we do DITHOR and catch up or get ahead with math/English/dictation. Those are really easy three weeks where school takes less than an hour for everyone. Life is good at those times. And they know that the sooner they get done with their group of units the faster they get to those easy weeks. So sometimes they'll even work on Saturday.

They also know that if they work really hard they have more time to play each day.

Now for AWANA, my kids have always done really well at being diligent and learning verses. However Jayden finished the books and for some reason the others also decided that they really were wanting to not learn verses last semester. So this semester I decided that whoever learned the most verses (basically got the most pages signed) gets a prize at the end. I haven't decided the prize yet... It'll probably be something simple like a day out with Mommy or they get to pick out an outfit for summer or shoes or something. It's really gotten two of them back into it. The third has never really cared overly much for things like that and has lost her book anyway. So we will see what happens. I might even make a chart where they have to get so many signed and we'll do a big family thing.